Letter to an Addict

(Originally from April 2011. I wrote this after a group meeting that we attended while our daughter was in rehab. I wanted my daughter to read it and understand how I felt about her and about her chance at rehabilitation; that she was precious and valuable and ever-loved. That she could pave her way to a second chance and that to me she would never be too tarnished to make it back (or forward))

Tonight someone said “is there a light at the end of the tunnel, because I feel like a turd? And no matter how much work I do to polish myself, at the end of the day, I’m just a shiny turd.”

There may not be a definitive light at the end of the tunnel, but I think we’re on more equal ground than you imagine. We’re all damaged goods at some point and to some degree and those of us who are recovering from the collateral damage of your addictions need your forgiveness and understanding as much as you need ours. We’re here because we are praying that you’ll drink the Kool-Aid, we want to drink it ourselves. We want to believe, in ourselves and in you. We haven’t lost hope.

We are all the product of our experiences, and if you choose to drink the Kool-Aid, you have a better chance at being whole, self-aware, contributing individuals than those of us who are working it out on our own. Think of your counselors, those in recovery who lead the dozens of meetings that you attend each week, all of these amazing leaders, who struggle each day to master their control over their addiction, who you believe in, who inspire you.

They inspire us, too. They are where we wish to believe you will one day be. They are the ultimate success story, because not only are they accomplishing the unbelievable and difficult task you have ahead of you, they can teach you to do the same.

You may feel like a turd today, but someday you will scrape off that thin layer of grime and realize that there is something valuable underneath. Someday you will stop worrying about what the people who can’t stop judging think, because you will have come through your own judgment day and realized that you are not damaged goods, whether you were in the past won’t matter. The most valuable lesson I’ve learned as the parent of an addict is that there is no room for shame in recovery – it’s the anti-healing agent.

Imagine that your ability to empathize and understand and reason will empower you to emotional success that most people take a life time to achieve. Embrace the idea, succumb to it. It will be the best Kool-Aid you’ve ever tasted.