New Years - 2014

I was trying to explain to someone why New Years is a hard time for me. The best I can say is that it is another end and another beginning that doesn't have my daughter in it. It's bittersweet at best, which doesn't mean I don't appreciate all that I have - I certainly do. But during such a celebrated occasion it's hard not to miss what is not there.

My new years resolutions came early.  At some point in 2013 I realized that I needed to do something with my grief, to use it to promote change, or I would wallow in it forever. 

When I look back on the things that I told my daughter about her future, that it was still full of opportunity, that she could still be anything she wanted to be, that through hard work and perseverance she could reopen any doors that she felt were closed to her, I realize that there are so many other kids out there who need the same level of support, and in order to honor my daughter I have to find a way to give it.

This also means that I cannot sit by and allow what happened with my daughter to happen again to another child. I have to find a way to use my daughters experience to help build a brighter future for my community, because one more addict grown in our schools is not acceptable. Another overdose, another family losing their child, another child buried... these are the things that we have to come together to fight against. I hope to use my experience to help open the eyes of my neighbors, and to build a tighter and stronger community.

In 2014 I will find a way to honor my daughter, to extend the support I gave her to others who might need it, to work with the  CV Alliance, CV Youth Alliance, and Youth Town Council to strengthen my community, and to use these things to help my family heal. This is my promise to my baby girl, to my family, and to myself.