Every Day Things

Baby Girl,

Every day things have gained the power to completely disarm me.

We go to the movies and I sob through the entire thing.

It used to be our thing, what you and I did together. I know... it doesn't seem so special - but to a mom whose teenage daughters life is in complete turmoil it is unbelievably special.

To a mom who can't communicate with her daughter without constant misunderstandings... having something special that always feels good... that thing becomes sacred.

I miss having you tease me when I tear up.

I miss giggling with you about how good something is going to be.

I miss making plans with you.

I miss sitting next to you and talking.

I miss sitting next to you and not talking.

You are supposed to be here with me. You are supposed to be planning your future. You are supposed to be driving me crazy.

Someday, when we're both old, you're supposed to take care of me. Agonizing over whether you can bring me home to live with you.

Someday you're supposed to bury me.

This is not the way our lives were supposed to go. This is a mistake.

Please come home. We are waiting.

Love, Mommy