The Unveiling

On May 19th we had the service for the unveiling of my daughters headstone. This is a long standing Jewish tradition, and end to the first year of mourning, another ceremony to honor our lost loved ones lives.

I wanted to share what I suppose should be called a eulogy. What I spoke of when I honored my daughter... I did ad-lib a bit, but this is the gist of it.

In the past few weeks I have been trying to figure out what to say as we stand her next to my daughters graveside. I wanted to remark on her amazing life and all that there is to celebrate about her, to help lift us out of the sadness of this day.

I couldn't do it, my heart has been weighted down by the significance of this ceremony and I just couldn't do it.

And then last night I recalled a specific event. My daughter at two years old dragging me around by my finger as she led our way through a crowd of people. Just being around that many people would have had me crawling out of my skin, but my not quite two foot tall daughter could not be intimidated, and as in most of the adventures we had together, she carved the path that I would follow.

It was definitely true when we met our new family. Though they were most certainly hesitant when their son showed up with his new girlfriend and her daughter. My girl swept into their lives as if to say "whats not to love?"  She certainly stole their hearts first. As she stole my husbands when she met him and he courted us. She was well aware that he fell in love with her first and she became his best friend, his cohort, his partner in crime.

She absorbed everything he could teach her about life and inspired him to be a father. I know that when it came to her there was never a question of how perfectly she fit into his life.

There is so much to celebrate and there are so many joyful memories to lift our hearts. This is an amazing gift. As I sort through the huge store of photos I am grateful for my need to document EVERYTHING, because each picture tells a story I might otherwise forget.

This is our job now, to remember, even though we are still devastated by her loss. We need to ensure that my son knows his oldest sister, even though he will only know her through the rest of us.

We need to remember her, and celebrate her, keeping in mind that, at least to me, she is really what brought us all together.

My husbands curiosity about the woman with that cute little kid, and the love story that started with three people and brought us all here.

It is difficult to think of blessings in a time of such loss, but we have done many things in the past year to stay connected to my daughter. From gathering together to grieve, to digging through photos and videos, to family trips for tattoos (which I'm sure entertained my girl to no end). We have come together again and again to honor and remember her.

By doing so we have strengthened our bonds as family and friends. This is her legacy, these are the things that I choose to focus on when I think of her, so that wherever her spirit is, she feels my love.

Sharing my story is another way of honoring her, and of hopefully helping others who are going through similar things - or perhaps derailing a similar loss.  Thank you for reading.